Starting over...

You can't say you didn't know.  About my not being perfect that is.  It's right there in the "About Me" section.  I never promised you daily or even weekly blog entries, wait a sec, I might have...but you can't blame me for not following through.  I mean, I'm horrible about finishing what I start.  I always have been.  Well, most of the time.  I'm also not very good about keeping resolutions--haha, that's so much of an understatement that I actually laughed!  Anyone who has read this blog knows that posts are spotty at best and I can go months, even years, between them.  There are lots of things that I'm not good at.
But...

You know what I am good at? 

Starting over.

Yup. 
I can do that. 
Sometimes I do it quite a lot (that's why I'm good at it! ;)).
Sometimes a lot more than other people do. 
Sometimes way more than I should.

But...

The fact that I CAN start over, well, that kicks ass!

Why? 

Because if I couldn't start over, I could never improve or change or grow.

So, I'm starting over.  Today is not the First Day of this process, but it's the First Day of blogging about it so that will have to be good enough for anyone who chooses to join me on this journey.  You haven't missed much so it's all good, but I'll fill you in on what's happened since I last wrote...

I left off back in January of 2010...

Family Stuff~

Kids are growing like weeds!
The Eldest is nearly 12, entering Middle School this year and we're both freaking out! He's doing well, but we're having issues with pre-teen angst and attitude.  I need to remember to breathe deep with this one. ;)  He's still my sweet boy and loves choir, LOTR, Legos (still), photography and will be taking violin this year at school.  He is growing up too fast and I miss my little punkin', but I'm excited for this next phase in his life, even if he isn't. ;)

The Middle, oh my, the Middle...he's been a handful this past couple of years.  He's been diagnosed with ADHD and depression and has had trouble in school.  He's spent more time in the Principal's office than I ever imagined possible. Thankfully the teachers and principal have been fantastic and have been instrumental in making his time at this school successful.  He was recently tested for the EL program and will be going to a new school this year! We always knew this kid was smart and this proves it! :)  He's excited and nervous about it as am I.  Aside from school issues, he's still my little lovey.  Still the most affectionate kid I know and wears his heart on his sleeve.

Girl Number One...I read through this blog before posting and laughed as I read earlier accounts on Miss E.  She was such a patient, calm, sweet baby...sigh.  Now she's not.  Ha!  She's loud and bossy and whiny and impatient.  She's also funny and thoughtful and kind and helpful.  So she's a typical five year old.  She loves to draw and draw and draw and reminds me of Devin in that way.  She's silly and has a laugh that just cracks me up.  She is also sporting a very wobbly tooth!

Girl Number Two...good gravy this girl!  She's going to be a handful when she hit the teen years, I just know it!  I used to worry about Miss E driving me batty, but this one...oh this one!  She's so headstrong!! I know that can be a good thing, so I try to embrace it, but I tell ya what...I'm about ready some days to sell her to the gypsies! Ahh, but she's still sweet, and nutty and snuggly and five.  She's not as big as her sister in size, but makes up for it in volume and bouncing. ;) 

The Hubs and I are good! We're currently in the midst of discussing household projects and such that need to be done and trying to be Responsible Adults and do those before the ones that we want to do.  We've been here for nearly five years! That's a record for sure!  It's such a long time that I'm starting to get antsy.  I won't lie, I'm ready for a change.  However, now is not the time for big moves and such.  No worries though, opportunities for change abound so I'm sure I'll find something.

Health Stuff~

I continued to lose weight, got down to 135 or so actually!  Ran a 5K, felt fan-freakin'-tastic about my body and had energy to burn. I was working out 6X a week, an hour at a time.  It was awesome. 

Then the holidays hit.  I slacked off and got lazy.  I had all sorts of excuses as to why I couldn't keep up with my workouts--it took too long, the kids were all home from school and it was hard to do my workouts with them around, it was too cold to run outside, the list went on.  Then I got depressed.  Turns out that They are right--exercise boosts your mood.  You might not recognize it at the time (and I was on meds at the time and could easily attribute my good mood to that), but it does and when you stop exercising...watch out. 

Well, if you know me, you know that my drug of choice is food.  It's my first go to when I'm depressed or anxious.  Every. Single. Time.  This time was no different.  Despite getting back on the wagon multiple times, I kept falling off. I also started having intense pain in my feet and had surgery last summer on my left foot so that added to my lack of movement.  This past year and a half have been tough.  Depression, pain, recovery, self loathing, weaning myself off of my anti-depressants...it all added up and I gained back every pound I had lost and added 37 more on top of it.  Yup.  You read that right, and for those of you who don't know (or who don't feel like reading past posts to find out...), that means I was sitting at 237. 

I could write a whole other post on that past year and half, and maybe I will one day, but not today. 

Today I'm just writing to get back on the blog wagon. 
Today I'm just getting it all out there so I can clear my head.
Today I'm saying hello again to anyone out there who's reading. 
Today I'm doing what needs to be done.
Today I'm...

Starting over.